In the story of David and Goliath, we read that David, a young shepherd boy with no experience of battle, ran towards the giant. The other war-hardened soldiers lay cowering in fear. But David ran. No armour, no sword, no training, no experience. And, no-one who believed that he could defeat Goliath.

What gave David this confidence? He had an invincible belief that he would win. His faith and past experiences with a bear and lion convinced him that he could defeat the odds. And so, he did.

Our beliefs are cultivated over time. They start to form very early on with input from our primary caregivers. That soon expands to include other influencers like teachers, friends and the multitude of everyday experiences which mould our inner world.

By the time we reach adulthood, we hold some very well fortified beliefs about ourselves and the world in general. Have you ever tried to convince someone of your views when they believe the opposite? It really doesn’t matter how much evidence...

I recall a particular day a few years ago, when my two children were engaged in a full-scale battle. You know the kind where accusations fly through the air like invisible spears? Things took a turn for the worse and one child pushed the other. My inner parent suddenly leapt into action and what happened next was most unexpected ...

“Use your words!”, I exclaimed in a desperate attempt to end the mother of all arguments. At which point … my children both burst out laughing! Not exactly what I was expecting but … it did have the desired effect. I looked at them totally bemused. What could possibly have prompted that reaction?

My daughters told me that they had been watching the film, Parental Guidance. It’s a comedy in which two grandparents fumble their way around modern child rearing practises whilst looking after the grandchildren. They are given a quick parenting lesson before the grandchildren arrive … where their daughter tries to explain...

In the last two Blog posts, I’ve been looking at some of the issues that cause tensions in relationships between autistic / neurodiverse and neurotypical people. These points of friction often disappear or become smaller as we develop an understanding of one another.

And in the interests of further developing that understanding, today’s post continues to address more stressors that become like a pebble in the relationship shoe. Things that cause friction and sometimes, even relational breakdown.

All relationships are a two-way street. And that means both parties need to adapt in order to accommodate each other. What follows are some ways in which the neurotypical person can adapt to play their part in building a flourishing relationship.

Change

Autistic / neurodiverse people typically have more structured thinking styles which means they may well have a high need for control, predictability and order. Dealing with changes or having things suddenly sprung on them at the...

In my last post, I discussed how the needs of neurodiverse / autistic people are not as obvious as a physical disability because they can’t be seen. These hidden challenges often lead to rifts in relationships because there isn’t a shared understanding of each other.

Common ground is built through discussions in which we actively seek to understand rather than judge. This is how we gain new perspectives and these up-dated viewpoints change lives both now and in the generations to come.

From my years of working with autistic / neurodiverse people, I’ve encountered certain themes which surface regularly. And it’s these, that I would like to share with you.

You may have heard the saying: “if you meet one autistic person, you’ve met one autistic person”. In other words, no two people are alike regardless of diagnosis. So, what follows is my two-cents worth to get the conversation started. It will not apply to everyone, so...

For years, autistic / neurodiverse people have been asking why they should have to change to fit into society. And as voices are slowly being heard, there is a growing trend towards acceptance and embracing difference.  Granted, we still have a long way to go but the tides are changing. Society, on the whole, is marching forwards.  

When it comes to the workplace, UK law (Equality Act 2010) states that reasonable adjustments should be made to prevent discrimination of people with disabilities. At the core, this is humanity’s recognition of difference. And that awakening, leads us to respect and accommodate diverse needs. In other words, to develop a culture which says, “you’re OK and I’m OK”.

So, we’re improving in the workplace but what happens outside of work? An autistic / neurodiverse person doesn’t finish their working day at 5pm only to find themselves magically morphed, like Cinderella, into someone else. In...

2020 was a year we will all remember! A year when we had no choice but to pivot. Although some of my work was already done online, the thought of operating this on a full-time basis seemed out of the question. And then there was lockdown! Zoom meetings became my new norm overnight. I, along with my colleagues, found that it was possible after all. Yes, there’ve been some hiccups but I’ve also seen huge benefits! But does remote working suit everyone? What about neurodiverse and autistic people? With the new national lockdown in place in the UK, it is an issue we can't ignore. 

As is often the case, there's been a combination of ups and downs. We’ve seen a fair amount in the media concerning the emotional consequences of restricted social contact. Poor access to people and other activities that feed our souls can lead some of us to a very dark place.

On the other hand, a number of people I work with have reported lower stress levels during this...

If ever there’s been a year of uncertainty, it’s this one! 2020 has launched us into the world of the unknown. Schooling has been disrupted. Work-life has changed. Events have been cancelled or postponed. Trips to the supermarket have been reshaped. Things we used to take for granted, like visiting friends and family have been restricted. On the world stage, we’ve seen economic and political instability. And many of us, myself included, have lost loved ones. What a year so far!

Nations are now counting the cost. Wondering how the coffers can be replenished and how we go about creating a sense of normality. Faced with instability, our natural instinct is to try and create order. To make plans even if we know they may change. I told my daughter, who is due to return to school next week, “The plan, for now, is ….”. The last few months have taught us both that some degree of tweaking will probably be needed.    

Uncertainty unsettles....

During lock-down, when the world went quiet, we had some spare time to fill. To keep the boredom gremlins at bay, my children started an online French course and invited me to join them. The first few lessons were a dream. Those 2 years of high-school French were enough to carry me through with confidence. But it quickly reached the point where I was lagging behind and couldn’t keep up with the pace. Our online tutor spoke words at machine-gun pace in sentences which were meaningless to me. It was just a barrage of sound. What happened next? I lost interest. Quickly!

Autistic children often have differences in their ability to process information. It is not uncommon for them to have strengths in visual processing but weaknesses in auditory processing. Simply put, they tend to understand better when information is shown to them.

Spoken language with no supporting visual cues can be difficult to decode. This challenge is not always easy to spot. And that’s because children...

“Just a few more strokes and I’ll be there”, I thought to myself. My arms felt heavy. “Why couldn’t I feel the sand under my feet?” I stopped swimming for a moment and looked up expecting to see the shoreline in front of me. But instead, I saw an expanse of ocean. And then it dawned on me, I was being swept out to sea!

A short time before, I had been playing with friends on a huge rubber ring. Although Durban has a tropical climate, it was the middle of winter and I was feeling cold. So, I decided to swim to shore to warm up. Now, instead of snuggling in my towel and burying my feet in the sand, I was gasping for air in shark infested waters. I kept going, thinking that I could somehow beat the current and make it to safety. But each stroke seemed to pull me further and further away from the beach. It was a hopeless situation.

Exhausted and trying hard not to think of the sharks, I rolled onto my back to catch my breath. I lay there floating,...

I recall my excitement one cold December evening as we boarded the plane at Heathrow airport. Destination - sunny South Africa! Visits to my homeland are always special because they’re so much more than a holiday. Seeing loved ones and breathing in all the familiar sensations of my childhood does wonders for my emotional bank account. On this particular occasion, I was really looking forward to seeing my 2-year old niece. Photos are precious but there’s just no substitute for the real deal!

One of the highlights for me is being able to go out together for family meals. Cape Town has lots of gorgeous restaurants and it’s often possible to eat outside – the secret sauce when it comes to great food! As we were preparing to go out to dinner one evening, I realised that my brother and his daughter were missing. I went down the hallway to look for them and my brother appeared from her bedroom – defeat written all over his face. In the time-honoured tradition...