The Missing Stories: Why We Need to Celebrate What’s Working

A common human experience we all share is the longing for ease.
When we’re in emotional, mental or physical pain, the world naturally narrows to a single wish: let this stop. Anyone who has suffered knows how consuming that wish can be.

But what happens when the pain finally recedes?

For many of us, instead of stepping into the space that opens up, we stay curled around the memory of the suffering. We hold on to the narrative that formed during the hard times. And without meaning to, we continue living as if the crisis is still present even though it has passed.

This is not a criticism. It’s an observation of a deeply human pattern that affects us all.

Pain shapes us. Survival mode teaches us ways of coping that can become our default setting. But survival mode is not meant to be a permanent home.

When the pain subsides, it isn’t an invitation to stay focused on what hurt us. It’s an invitation to look at what’s possible now.

To consider a new purpose that involves shifting our focus outwards to contributing, helping, creating, sharing and building.

A Lesson From Home

Growing up in South Africa under apartheid, I witnessed injustice woven into daily life. When the new government came into power in 1994, the country was flooded with hope. A sense of beginning again.

But change is complicated.

Thirty years later, many of the same problems still exist and I often hear the familiar old narratives of blame, frustration and despair. It’s as if, for some, the story never moved forward. The painful past remains the primary lens, even when new opportunities, freedoms and resources have emerged alongside the challenges.

A Mirror in the Neurodivergent World

I sense something similar in the world of neurodiversity.

Many neurodivergent people have had profoundly difficult experiences in life. Those stories matter and they deserve compassion, validation and space.

But some continue to live with the old narrative even when circumstances change. Not because they’re ungrateful or unwilling but because the familiar story is powerful. It remains a huge part of their identity. It continues to protect what no longer needs protecting. 

Alongside the many neurodivergent people who are struggling, there are others whose lives are improving. Individuals who have found supportive workplaces, reasonable adjustments that help them thrive, communities that understand them and personal strategies that genuinely work.

We need those stories too.

Not stories of perfection.
But stories of better.
Stories of progress, possibility, relief, access and dignity.

These stories don’t erase the hardship from the past but they do create a sense of balance.

Why Balance Matters

When all we share is how hard life is, newcomers who are just beginning their journey of understanding their own neurodivergence may feel only fear, defeat or hopelessness.

But when we also share what goes well - the adjustments that help, the relationships that work, the systems that do support us - we create a pathway out of despair. We show that change is not only needed but achievable.

Celebrating the good is not “toxic positivity.”
It is modelling what healing and growth can look like.

An Invitation

To be clear … people who are currently struggling deserve care, support and understanding.
They need safety before they can think about purpose. No one is being asked to “push through” suffering or pretend everything is fine.

But for those whose pain has eased - even a little - this is an invitation to notice it.
To honour the shift.
To allow possibility back in.

And perhaps, to have courage to share the good with others.
Not as a performance, but as a contribution.

Because when we do, we not only reclaim our own lives but we also light the way for those still finding their footing.