The Hidden Cost of Miscommunication and Why Neurodiversity Makes It Even More Complex

Have you ever had one of those moments where you say something that feels perfectly clear … and the other person just looks at you blankly? You’re left wondering how on earth that landed so differently to the way you intended and maybe even feeling a flicker of frustration.

Most of us like to think we communicate clearly. Yet the evidence shows that our messages are often far less clear than we realise and the consequences of miscommunication can be far greater than we imagine. 

The only qualification for miscommunication is being human. And when different neurotypes are added into the mix, the impact can be even more pronounced.

Beyond simply knowing that miscommunication happens between autistic and non-autistic people, many don’t really understand how it happens … which of course makes it much harder to address.

The good news?

None of this is inevitable.

And much of it is preventable.

Understanding Our Different Processing Styles

Autistic individuals often rely heavily on the literal content of language to understand meaning. This means that ambiguity or implied meanings used by non-autistic people can cause confusion. This processing style also typically goes hand-in-hand with a more direct communication style - saying exactly what you mean - which can sometimes be incorrectly perceived as blunt or harsh even when no offense was intended.

In contrast, non-autistic individuals typically rely heavily on nonverbal information to interpret meaning. Body language, tone of voice, facial expressions and contextual cues carry significant weight. When words contradict these signals, the nonverbal cues will take precedence. For example, someone saying “I just love this weather” in a sarcastic tone while looking out at the rain, actually means the exact opposite.

Using non-verbal information to decode meaning is an intuitive aspect of communication and is therefore unlike language which is explicitly learned. Autistic individuals may pay less attention to these cues while non-autistic people relay on them heavily. As a result, our differing communication styles can easily lead to miscommunication on both sides.

What Happens When Our Different Brains Miss Each Other

At Home:

It’s not necessarily the big problems that cause rifts in our relationships. Rather, it’s small things like:

A comment that lands badly.
A tone that’s misread.
An unmet need that wasn’t expressed clearly or recognised by the other person.

We may let the issue slide thinking it’s not that important but over time, the cumulative effect can lead to:

• Emotional distance
• Relationships feeling strained or unsafe
• People living like passing ships in the night
• Anger that hardens into bitterness and resentment

The real tragedy is that most of this hurt isn’t caused by a lack of care but by communication systems that don’t line up.

At Work:

In workplaces, miscommunication doesn’t just hurt feelings. It hits productivity, morale, retention and finances.

Workplace conflict costs UK employers an eye watering £28.5 billion a year through absenteeism, staff turnover, dismissals and lost productivity. link

Our different communication styles need to be understood and accommodated in everyday situations. Although the table below won’t apply to all, it contains starting points for building shared understanding:

When these styles clash the result is that:

• Teams malfunction
• Productivity nosedives
• Staff feel misunderstood, criticised or excluded
• Trained, capable employees leave
• Resentment builds on all sides
• Suspensions and formal processes increase

And everyone loses.

Why This Keeps Happening

Most miscommunication comes down to two key issues:

1. Intention ≠ Impact
   People intend one thing but it’s received entirely differently.
2. We don’t know how to build bridges that span the different communication styles so instead, we get offended.

The Way Forwards

Here’s the hopeful truth:

Miscommunication is not inevitable.

Neurodiversity is not the problem.

Lack of understanding is.

And the cost of ignoring it is far higher than most people realise.

When people learn to communicate with difference rather than against it, we see:

• Stronger relationships at home
• Reduced conflict
• More inclusive, productive workplaces
• Higher retention of neurodivergent talent
• Less burnout, resentment and emotional strain

One simple tool that costs absolutely nothing is to cultivate a sense of curiosity. Replace assumptions with questions like, “Just to check I’ve understood you properly, are you saying…?” or requests for more information like, “I’m not sure I follow, please tell me more”.

This small shift:

• Prevents assumption
• Builds safety
• Reduces defensiveness
• Saves relationships and jobs

And if miscommunication is creating strain in your relationships or workplace and you’d like help to find a way forwards, please feel free to reach out: book a call

I work with individuals, families and organisations to help people:

• Communicate clearly across neurotypes
• Reduce misunderstanding before it escalates
• Build psychologically safe conversations
• Replace assumption with clarity
• Turn conflict into connection

To building bridges!

Linda

Linda Philips works closely with neurodivergent individuals and their families, supporting emotional wellbeing, relationships and self-management skills. She offers individual sessions, runs a supportive group for university students, contributes to autism assessments and provides training for businesses, helping employers and employees find effective ways of working together. Linda is passionate about helping people understand themselves better and thrive in their daily lives. If you’d like to work with her, you can book a free call here.